By Michael Schindler

Diane Falzone, a television/radio host, relationship expert, and advice columnist for Military.com, recently wrote an article asking, “Should military marriages include a ‘deployment sex pact’”? As one can imagine, she got a plethora of responses – some surprisingly supporting such a pact. Having penned a book specific to military couples fighting to preserve their marriages, you know where I fall on this issue. But I think her question begs a follow-on question – forget the sex pact – has the marriage contract outlived its function and purpose within the military?

Before I stir up the hornet’s nest here, let me share what a sex pact is – because I truly had no idea and I’m sure you’ll claim ignorance as well. According to one of the women interviewed by Ms. Falzone, “a deployment sex pact is an agreement between partners that clearly states what is acceptable sexual activity outside the relationship during deployments. For instance, a couple may deem oral sex appropriate, when it takes place while a soldier or officer is away on deployment. But those same acts, if done with someone other than a spouse on the home front, could be grounds for divorce.”

“Could be grounds for a divorce.” I suppose one could argue that at least couples are having open communication about their relationship as opposed to hiding an affair. I’m pretty certain the conversation would be quite different in my house.

So here is where I stir the hornet’s nest – does marriage really have a function and purpose within our military? With the recent changes to what defines marriage here in the state of Washington, which will make housing issues interesting on installations, and with continued pressure at the federal level to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act, which defines marriage as a legal union between a man and woman, (which technically a sex pact would void that union, yes?), why encourage couples to marry if they are going to be in the service?

Why even bother with a sex pact, let alone marriage?

Like Diane, I believe marriage is worth honoring and defending – and there are reasonably sound studies that suggest that healthy marriages improve performance on many levels…yes, even those levels. So if you are married, work at keeping it healthy. It’s a daily workout for me.

Bottom line: Our military men and women are more than steamy headlines entangled in affairs – they are men and women who take an oath to defend this country and its constitution. Sometimes, like many, they need reminding that their marriage oath is also worth defending.

To read more of Diane Falzone’s article, visit: Fox News.

Michael Schindler, Navy veteran, and president of Edmonds-based Operation Military Family, is a guest writer for several national publications, author of the book “Operation Military Family” and “The Military Wire” blog. He is also a popular keynote and workshop speaker who reaches thousands of service members and their families every year through workshops and seminars that include  “How to Battle-Ready Your Relationship” or “What Your Mother-in-Law Didn’t Tell You.”  He received the 2010 Outstanding Patriotic Service Award from the Washington State Department of Veterans Affairs.