Socially Single: Disappearing act

This week I answer a question from the audience. If you have a dating or relationship question you’d like me to weigh in on, send me an email at hello@kelseyfoster.com.

“Hi Kelsey, I need some advice. I started dating a man about six months ago and I just don’t know where I stand with him. When we are out, he talks a lot about the future. Places he’d like to take me, events we can attend together. The problem is, we will go out and have a great time and then I won’t hear anything from him for days (sometimes weeks) at a time. I’ll add that I am new to dating after being married for 37 years (and recently getting divorced). It’s all very confusing and I’m not sure what to do.”

I receive questions like this quite frequently and frankly, it’s not a lot of fun to be left wondering where things stand with someone who is there one minute, gone the next.

What I advise you to do is to stop speculating and take his actions at face value. Despite what he might talk about when you are out together, his frequent disappearing acts send a strong message that he isn’t on the same page as you regarding communication and togetherness.

It’s possible he’s not wanting to enjoy a close relationship. He may be dating other women. It’s also possible that he likes to have a lot of alone time and this is just his style. No matter what the reason, you need to decide if this is a pattern you are comfortable with.

You might ask him why he is inconsistent in spending time with you. However, after so many months of dating, it’s clear this is how he operates and the explanation isn’t likely to change the behavior. I’m not saying it’s necessarily wrong or bad that he disappears (however ignoring phone calls and emails is rude)…you just need to understand that it is likely to be something you’ll face with him. If you can accept it, great. If it confuses you or makes you feel lonely, then I think it may not be the ideal relationship for you.

There are other single men out there who enjoy planning for the future and who also enjoy frequent companionship, also. Finding a partner who matches your communication style and desire for togetherness is your best bet!

Kelsey Foster is a dating and relationship coach in Edmonds. She is released a new book titled Improve Your Love-itude available on Amazon. Find out more information about Kelsey on her website www.kelseyfoster.com.