Socially Single: Should I lie about my age?

Kelsey_1This week I answer a question from the audience. If you have a dating or relationship question you’d like me to weigh in on, send me an email at

“I am a 52-year-old single woman who doesn’t look her age. Most people guess me to be somewhere in my early 40’s. I’m active, fit, and very energetic! I put up a profile on a popular online dating site and haven’t been getting a ton of responses. I think the guys in my age group are all looking to date younger women. Should I put my age younger to attract more men?”

First off, I love your confidence and think you should have no trouble attracting men who would like to take you out! You’d be surprised at how often I hear this question. From women as well as men. Here’s my two cents.

Don’t lie. You don’t want to start off a potential relationship on a falsehood.

The thing is, on online dating sites, when you set up your account, you are generally asked to give an age range of your ideal match. This is mostly an arbitrary thing but it helps the site filter match suggestions for you from thousands of possible matches.

Most people select an age range and then sort of forget about it. This doesn’t mean they won’t consider a great person who falls slightly outside of those numbers, however, it does mean that unless they tweak that filter, the site just won’t be showing them people outside of that range when they search.

My guess is that a lot of men in your range might have their age range for searches capped at 49. So you simply aren’t showing up in their searches or suggestions.

What this means is you are going to have to be more proactive. Most women set up their profiles and sit back and watch the winks and messages roll in from the men. But for women who are just on the other side of a new decade age-wise like you, they may find their activity on the site a little slow.

My advice is that you get on there, search and find a couple of men who interest you and send them an email. The reality of online dating is that most women aren’t proactive in reaching out to guys, so if you take that step you should get responses. You don’t have to ask them out, just send a message to strike up a conversation. And see where it goes!

— By Kelsey Foster

Kelsey Foster is a dating and relationship coach in Edmonds. She is released a new book titled Improve Your Love-itude available on Amazon. Find out more information about Kelsey on her website or join her on Facebook.

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