Letter to editor: Widespread, pervasive illegal distribution operation must be terminated at once



There is a long-established commercial enterprise that continuously operates in violation of numerous state and federal statutes, ordinances and administrative regulations. Any commercial operation with a blatant history of continuous extensive and major legal violations cannot be allowed to operate and should be immediately shuttered by an ever-vigilant government which undoubtedly understands what is best for its citizens.

Every year this commercial enterprise’s agency vehicle repeatedly enters and departs the United States illegally without any proper documentation. There is no evidence to suggest that the delivery personnel is an American citizen or is in possession of any appropriate documentation that allows him to be employed in the United States for any length of time. Year after year, the delivery operator routinely flouts various immigration and employment laws with impunity as he travels throughout the United States.

The delivery operator never enters or departs through any designated United States customs portals, and never provides any appropriate documentation of the shipment he is importing to US customs officials. This in spite of the fact that the agency the operator is employed by is importing vast amounts of goods for nationwide distribution. These goods are never inspected by customs for safety, nor are appropriate tariffs collected on the myriad of goods annually imported into the United States.

The vehicle operated by this enterprise to transport these goods is in violation of a variety of transport ordinances and regulations. The vehicle has never obtained the necessary interstate permits or paid any applicable fees. The operator himself is not in possession of a valid commercial driver’s license, let alone any valid driver’s license. Furthermore the operator has not taken any basic safety driving instruction or refresher courses, and his driving skills have never been tested by any state or federal agency. Although appearing aged and bespectacled, there is no evidence that his eyesight has been tested by any licensing authority to ensure that he is able to operate his vehicle in a safe manner.

The vehicle itself is not equipped with the latest federally mandated safety features that ensure its travel worthiness. As the vehicle is an unenclosed open air model, it does not have the standard protective bars and other protective features installed to protect the delivery operator in the event of a roll over accident. No federally mandated seat belts, airbags or other required safety features have been installed to protect the operator in the event of an accident The vehicle is not equipped with statutorily required headlights, tail lights or emergency flashing lights. Although most travel transpires during the dark evening hours, the vehicle displays only one dimly lit red light. That poorly lit light was added only in recent years after significant labor agitation emanating from a militant rangifer tarandus advocacy organization that demanded that at least one of its chronically unemployed members be employed by the agency.

The propulsion system is antiquated and is an obvious environmental hazard. It has never been subjected to any emissions or safety testing as required by most commercial vehicles. Furthermore, it has no pollution reduction systems installed such as catalytic converters that eliminate the significant levels of pollutants emitted during its operation. A pedestrian struck by this vehicle’s emissions byproduct could be subjected to long-term catastrophic malodorous issues if unlucky enough to be in its path.

The illegally employed delivery operator is not afforded the legal protections of a documented American employee, and as a result is regularly exploited by his employers. The operator is forced to labor for extended hours without federally mandated breaks or a lunch hour. He is not reimbursed for the long hours of overtime he regularly is required to work as part of his yearly assignment.

The delivery operator often initiates his distribution activities on elevated and dangerous surfaces, as everyone understands that obtaining on-street parking in Seattle is virtually impossible to locate. He has to maneuver an inherently unsafe vehicle exposed to the elements at great personal safety and health risks to himself. He alone must transfer heavy and oversized packages through small and inconvenient openings often located on the top of residences. He must accomplish this without safety harnesses to prevent him from falling off these high places and incurring injury or even possible death. Furthermore, the operator often must enter various premises through dirty and unsafe entrances not designed for deliveries that may be contaminated with possible carcinogens, but yet is provided no protective apparel or government approved safety breathing apparatus to protect himself from potentially serious illness.

His agency only employs the delivery operator on a seasonal basis, ensuring that he will be ineligible for any unemployment benefits, medical insurance or retirement programs. As the delivery operator is an undocumented immigrant, he is also not eligible for any Obamacare subsidies, thus eliminating any chance that he can obtain reasonably priced medical insurance through his part time employment.

Furthermore, others are at risk as a result of these activities. When making his deliveries, the delivery operator has unsupervised, unlimited access to numerous residences. There is no indication that the operator has been adequately vetted for any prior criminal activity, although he will enter and leave many houses at will, often without prior notification to the owners.

Traditionally there has been limited employment opportunities for prospective employees at the agency. The most coveted job — that of delivery operator — has always been awarded to a heterosexual white male. It is assumed that the delivery personnel is a heterosexual, as there is an occasional mention of a Mrs. operator assisting in the endeavor, although the vast majority of publicity is focused on the delivery operator. There is no indication that most racial, religious or sexual minorities have ever been considered, let alone retained for the coveted job of delivery operator.

The agency has appeared to shun active support of important social causes. No banner or bumper sticker has ever been observed gracing the delivery vehicle when it is making its rounds. (Of course, this problem is exacerbated as the vehicle does not have a bumper to attach any bumper stickers to). The red uniform of the delivery operator has never been adorned with any ribbons proudly supporting any important social causes. In addition, the operator insists on wishing everyone an unfortunately exclusive “Merry Christmas” rather than the more acceptable and inclusive “Seasons Greetings”.

The extensive commercial operation where the delivery personnel operator is headquartered has been located in the Arctic area for decades. This operation has negatively impacted the fragile environment, severely impacting climate change with its resultant dramatic increase of sea levels that have placed polar bear populations at extreme habitat risk. This agency has never cooperated with any governmental or United Nations climate organization in attempting to limit environmental damage to this pristine, fragile environment through its extensive economic activities. One can only imagine the number of polar bears that must desperately cling to melting ice flows as a result of an overwhelming amount of greenhouse gasses produced by this agency and its operations. In spite of all of this, this agency has never consider relocating its facilities to a less environmentally sensitive location in order to benefit the environment of the Arctic.

This egregious operation must be terminated immediately. The United States Congress must take a proactive role in ensuring that this operation is permanently discontinued The sooner this blatantly un-American operation is permanently terminated, the better off we will all be as a tolerant and freedom-loving people.

Eric Soll

8 Replies to “Letter to editor: Widespread, pervasive illegal distribution operation must be terminated at once”

  1. Eric while I share some of your concerns I believe the operation you are speaking of is based at the North Pole, which puts it outside of US jurisdiction. Congress really doesn’t have anything to say about it.

    Ho ho ho!


  2. I’ve been shouting into the void about this operation for years. The enslavement of an entire race of vertically challenged people seems to only be against the morals of the extremely young, as evidenced by the fact that only they seem to ever shed a tear when forced upon the lap of said delivery operator. The enslavement of an entire race is unpresidented and, hopefully as such, our president elect will take action against this heinous operation.


  3. We need to understand that Santa is an advanced being from a special frequency in the Fifth Dimension. Santa’s violation of fundamental laws of physics can be explained because Santa can shift in and out of physical spacetime. When you transcend physical spacetime you’re no longer subject to the laws of physics in our spacetime continuum. Think of it like being at a Gulf jet at 51,000 feet. When you go above 45,000 feet, you’re no longer subject to the FAA rules and regulations, you can go pretty much anywhere. This explains how Santa can be at literally thousands of places at once, deliver countless millions of gifts in a blink of an eye. This is how reindeer can fly, sleighs can fly and not experience the friction from atmospheric drag. This is also how and why Santa can operate his factory in the North Pole without causing environmental or ecological damage. Also, Santa is a shape-shifting nature spirit, like Odo on DS9 but a MUCH better shapeshifter. This explains how Santa can appear light-skinned to some people and darker-skinned to many others, male to many, female to many others, wealthy looking to some, more modest looking to others, overweight to some, slim to others. Because Santa and his elves can transcend the laws of physics, they can get enormous amounts of work done without expending unreasonable amounts of energy and violate fundamental labor laws.


  4. I thought the letter was excellent! For those who cannot see the humor, I hope this “unlawful” person brings them a big dose of a sense of humor for Christmas.


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