Reader view: Shaping your new normal

Ever since stay at home orders came into effect to fight the pandemic, the internet has been brimming with brilliantly creative, often funny, sometimes deep memes and videos about the old and new normal. While some of us cannot wait to get their lives back, others are wondering which part of the old normal we actually want back or how we can use this opportunity to create a better normal going forward. When asking the question though, what should this new normal look like, most people become rather vague and fuzzy.

Having been completely grounded myself for close to 60 days now I was reminded of a tool a brilliant coach once shared with me. I found it extremely useful to reflect on my life and sharpen that vague fuzzy image of what I actually want my life to look like and what needs to change to get there. All it requires is a pen, a piece of paper and the willingness for open reflection and dialog. Some post-its notes may help to make it more colorful and be able to move things around as we reflect, but they are optional.

The setup is really simple. On a piece of paper draw a horizonal and a vertical axis. The vertical axis is the “Want” axis, the horizontal axis is the “Have” axis. Setup complete!

Now start identifying things you have or don’t have in your life. These can be about your job, about your relationships, about your possessions, your education, you name it. It doesn’t matter and is different for everyone. This is where post-its come in really handy, just create one for each “thing”.

Next, these items are placed in the quadrant and this is where it gets interesting. Which of the things you want do you actually have? Which of the things you have, do you actually want?

On a superficial level this may seem like a trivial exercise. I want more money, stuff and leisure while working less and spending more time with friends and loved ones. Give it a try, get specific. Which of the stuff you have do you actually want? What if you remove the stuff you have from your life because you actually don’t really want it? Will you still need more money? Chances are you just had weeks of leisure. Is that indeed what you want more of?

This simple reflection, especially if it involves dialog with a partner, confidant or friend can take us many and at times surprising places. Not only does it help us find reasons for gratitude, it forms a foundation for an action plan to actively shape your own new normal. As we gain more clarity and items move into the quadrants where they truly belong, each quadrant suggests distinct actions to move things from the blue to the green quadrants.

Before the old normal creeps back up on us, warts and all, this may be a perfect opportunity to have those reflections and shape your new normal. Get rid of the things you have, but actually do not want.  Put your energy into attaining the things you want, but do not have.

Don’t forget, the things we have and want should not be taken for granted. Sometimes it takes some effort to retain them. Gratitude for these things is a great first step.

— By Achim Reeb

Achim Reeb is a long-time Edmonds resident who serves as managing partner for a international management consulting firm and as a board member of a non-profit organization.