I have been trying to understand why objections to the Pride flag on city property shakes me at such a fundamental level. I believe there are two reasons, and I’d like to share them.
The first is this: I have spent most of my 76 years establishing a sense of worth and dignity – and yes, pride – in the face of every kind of anti-gay (I’m going to use the word “gay” because this is a personal reaction) hysteria from accusations of “recruiting” to claims that gay people are unfit for any office of trust; from threats to job security to infantile sniggers and “not meant to be heard” murmurs about “pity he’s light in the slippers.” It is very hard to build and maintain self-respect when you are constantly surrounded by these puerile smears.
I believe I largely succeeded, though. I got as close to the top of my professions as I wanted to go, and was part of three Olympic teams in the role of ski technician, in the end working internationally for Sweden and Slovenija, among others, and wrote a book on ski prepping that sold for 25 years and was translated into Russian. I don’t say this to brag, but to underline how even at that level, I never felt totally, 100% secure. The skiers I coached didn’t care and thought being gay was irrelevant, though they were angry at other coaches with their behind-my-back childish innuendos – neither did for example the Swedes, who loved to borrow my car at the Salt Lake Olympics and laugh at the idiots who flipped them off because of my rainbow sticker.
That sticker was important: it said “I’m here, whether you like it or not, and I’m not going to hide,” and it said “get used to it,” and it was my feeble way of letting the world know there are gay people among you, everywhere, living their lives and doing their jobs. Silence is death.
So in that small corner of me that still remains insecure, and still faces again and again the anxiety of coming out and the never-absent small fear of rejection, or worse, that rainbow and that flag give a fundamental sense of value, acceptance, and, yes, pride: pride of being me, pride at achievement in the face of never-ending resistance, pride at simply surviving. The teen who sat on his bed with a loaded revolver, convinced he was always be lonely and an outcast – he’s done pretty well.
The second reason the debate over the flag on city buildings is fundamentally disturbing and rings all my inner alarms, is this: What message does reversal — removing it or taking it down — send, now that it’s up and now that it’s something of a tradition? To me, it would feel like rejection and ostracism from a city I have lived in for most of my life.
So in the end, while I concede that the idea of none but city/state/national flags on city buildings carries a certain logic, to take down the Pride flag would be sending a message of rejection that would be a body blow to all to whom that flag symbolizes so much. Leaving it alone might even save some lives.
Footnotes:
In 2024, the ACLU tracked 533 Anti-LGBTQ bills in the U.S. — Mapping Attacks on LGBTQ Rights in U.S. State Legislatures in 2024 | American Civil Liberties Union
LGBT people are five times more likely than non-LGBT people to be victims of violent crime. – Anti-LGBT Victimization in the United States – Williams Institute
Attacks Based on Gender Identity Up 16% from Prior Year, Those Based on Sexual Orientation Up 23%; Once Again, Race and Ethnicity-Based Hate Crimes are the Largest Category – More than 1 in 5 hate crimes are motivated by anti-LGBTQ+ bias– Sept, 2024 – HRC | New FBI Data: Anti-LGBTQ+ Hate Crimes Continue to Spike
Nathaniel Brown lives in Edmonds.
Nathaniel Brown, I’m so glad you (and the flag) are here. Thank you for countering yesterday’s bigoted article with this one of courage and heart.
Chelsea Rudd, bigoted? This is not a one-sided issue. The Red White and Blue American flag protects all those who are under it. A rain bow flag does not represent the U.S.A.
What I read is, “I did this” and “I suffered that”. I I I. How refreshing it is to come across people who are more concerned about “you”. Pride fosters the “I” mentality. God fosters the “you” mentality. God is responsible for all your success, suffering, and failure.
One flag one nation. It’s been that way for many years. Nathaniel Brown you are protected and loved under it. Sure, your life’s been challenging, and it sounds like you have experienced some backlash. We can all share story’s of being treated wrong. And saying if leaving up a flag might save lives please remember the men and woman that fought and died for the Red White and Blue flag.
Thank you for sharing your story, Nathaniel. I stand with you.
“Loved under it”? Did you even read the footnotes?
“One flag one nation.” Who is disputing that? But to claim that everyone is treated equally is absurd.
What does “the men and woman that fought and died for the Red White and Blue flag” have to do with anything I wrote? No one is arguing in favor of taking the national flag down or replacing it. The Pride flag isn’t even on the poles with the state and national flags.
Footnote: “Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ+) people face significant levels of discrimination in housing, which can take a variety of forms. LGBTQ+ people are at risk of being
denied, charged higher rates for, or removed from housing. Currently, there is no federal law that consistently protects LGBTQ+ individuals from housing discrimination. Only 22 states and the District of Columbia prohibit discrimination in housing based on both sexual orientation and gender identity.” – HRC report
Thank you, Nathaniel, for sharing your story. Your fight has helped others across the years, and it still does.
Nathaniel, thank you for writing this. I’ve been sitting with your words for a long time today and just want you to know you’re seen and your story is important. The responses that we still get to the Pride flag and celebrating Pride month (as evidenced by the letter you’re responding to and many of the comments here) only reinforce the obvious need for such outward shows of solidarity. You have community here. We will make sure you know, and we will be louder to drown out the cruel words and brighter to outshine the judgment.
P.S. Citing sources? I think you’re my new favorite person.
Deeply moving. I think you’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever known.
The hostility expressed by some toward the rainbow flag flying on city hall, and the hostile and dismissive responses to Nat Brown’s personal experience are evidence of why the city flying the pride flag is so important.
The lives, safety, and wellbeing gay and trans persons is not a subject with two sides that is open for debate.
Nathaniel, thank you for your deeply moving piece. As a straight person I can literally only imagine the pain you have been through and how deeply personal this is for you. I am truly sorry for what you have experienced. My intention was never to come across as anti-gay or to be hurtful to anyone, only to request that if our city chooses to embrace any specific groups of citizens that it does so with complete fairness. My point is a simple one.
If local government chooses to engage in advocacy;
And if local government affirms diversity, equity, and inclusion;
Then as a public institution representing all people in the community it’s advocacy should be done justly (read fairly).
It seems to me that if we choose to recognize folks as a city then we need to do so in such a way that we remember equally the suffering of all who have experienced pain at the hands of others and the list is long: African-Americans, Asian Americans, Jewish Americans, Palestinian Americans, immigrants, refugees, asylum seekers, and many more.
With all due respect Barry, I don’t think that’s what your previous letter said. If you just wrote this letter we would have a debate about which flags could/should be flown.
Your previous letter included judgement on a whole group of people. And you indicated you belong to a fairly large group of people that feel the same way as you do. You made it personal. Which is exactly why it’s important to fly the flag.
Thank you both Barry and Nathaniel, you both have been seen and known.
Sadly, an unbiased examination of our country’s history includes ample examples of times when our national flag has NOT protected all Americans- or even all who have fought to uphold it. I am surprised that any reader of current news would think that gay rights are unquestionably protected, or that our federal flag flies equally for all. Nathaniel, it is not easy to share one’s personal story- thank you for your courage in doing so. When I see the pride flag flying in Edmonds, I feel proud that our city is taking this extra step to show that we are a welcoming and inclusive community. This cannot yet be assumed or taken for granted; it still needs to be actively shown.
Barry – You have heard from many in this community. Perhaps you are feeling misunderstood by some. BUT – A Pride flag communicates the openness of a community to those who have been traditionally unaccepted and thus is heartening to the other groups you mention concern for. If your mission is to protect and include ALL, you may find opportunities to support them through other visible means in Edmonds, such as art or events. Or your sermons. Many people both inside and outside of churches are disheartened about the messaging from fundamental Christian groups in this political climate, messages that are less about ‘love thy neighbor’ than nationalism. Perhaps you could find way to reinforce beliefs of inclusion and acceptance for all in your church community, without judgement that they hold lesser values because of their differences. This would not involve taking down a flag that holds great meaning to a group who has experienced what Nathaniel and so many others have in their lives. Make the net wider, don’t take it away altogether. Silence is not the answer.
“…while I concede that the idea of none but city/state/national flags on city buildings carries a certain logic…”
As a response to Pastor Barry Crane’s piece, I appreciated that Nathaniel Brown was able to respond with respect and intellectualism rather than pure emotionalism, in spite of the fact that this issue is deeply personal to him. Far too many of the comments to Pastor Crane’s letter responded without even considering the intellectual argument he was making. For example, many said his argument proved the need for separation of church and state, while that is exactly what Pastor Crane was arguing for. This debate–whether the city government should fly the pride flag–is over an ideology and belief system, one that opposes the beliefs of many Christians (like Pastor Crane said). Thus if the city government is going to fly and advocate for one set of beliefs, it should fly flags and advocate for all beliefs. Just because a large majority of people agree with Pride ideology doesn’t it make it right for the city to advocate for that belief system to the exclusion of other beliefs, like that of mainline, conservative Christianity.
Thank you Nathaniel Brown for at least considering the validity of the argument without resorting to name calling, shaming people, or aggressive and disrespectful rhetoric. Our city needs more civil discourse like this.
Andrew, there is a very basic truth that is missed by most of those who subscribe to conservative Christian dogma. Being “gay” is not an ideology or belief or choice, it is who that person is, just as you are, I’m assuming, heterosexual. Believing another is “less than” because of who they are is a choice.
Andrew & Barry,
1. Christianity is not anti-Pride or anti-LGBTQIA2S+. Specific bigoted individuals are, but the “belief system” of Christianity is not.
2. Pride is inherently all-inclusive so Barry’s concern about the long list of “all who have experienced pain at the hands of others” is covered in the Pride flag.
3. The Pride flag even represents you both even though you potentially interpret your religious text to imply that some folx should live in shame.
Thanks to everyone who shares their views here. It’s unfortunate that so many people in out community have let their fake news outlets convince them of fake ideas of what Pride and pride flags represent. I’ll go ahead and pray that you all learn to dive deeper into the subject before your next attempt to spread misinformation about it with this platform. WWJD indeed.
Meanwhile, ditto to what Heather said. BRAVO Nathanial Brown. <3
Thank you, Nathaniel, for sharing your story with us. Many elder LGTBQIA2s+ folks have beautiful stories of bravery and resilience in the face of horrible obstacles, and I recognize the sacrifices you made to be publicly out, while celebrating the joy and freedom of that decision. You will never know how many young lives you saved just for being an example of authenticity and a life well lived.
To all of us who have come after you, thank you. And thank you for your thoughtful response to the ugliness surrounding the queer community.
So, Andrew, if your comment here is to have any credibility you would have to agree that Pastor Crane would have gotten just as upset if the city had decided to display a flag with Christian symbolism and condemned the city for it by writing a similar complaint in MEN. In that case he would have just been defending the idea of the separation of church and state – no problem. But that is not exclusively what he did. He very carefully and vaguely condemned the lifestyle the Pride flag represents in his mind and the minds of numerous of his fellow believers as being a form of immorality as THEY see it. There was no reason for him to include those thoughts about what Pride allegedly represents if all he was doing was trying to keep the Church and the State separate or simply demanding equal symbolism from the city for what he and his followers believe. Some of his remarks were totally uncalled for and caused some nice people, like my good friend Nathanial, hurt and I think he needs to apologize for doing that. Plus in the great scheme of Edmonds’ problems, this is about as important as what the mayor had for breakfast yesterday.
Well folks you sure have no problem beating up Barry Crane for his beliefs..I do not go to his church
but I have seen him around town for many years and he is very loving and accepting of all. Be careful of condemning as you may be doing the same yourself. That church serves this community in so many ways and
is open to all…Be careful.
No one is beating up Pastor Crane for his religious beliefs, or at least I’m not. His and his followers religious beliefs were irrelevant to the issue. In fact I agree with him that it would be more appropriate for the city not to have displayed the Pride flag in any context. I’m just suggesting to him that his position would have been much stronger and less contentious (i.e. provoking bad memories and experiences in non-heterosexual people) if he had left his and his follower’s personal view of marriage and homosexuality out of his Reader View in the first place. He no doubt sees it differently, but if I were him I would apologize for going there in trying to justify my viewpoint about what the city did. He didn’t mean to be unkind for sure, but never the less, for many people, that’s how it came across and that did not need to be the case had he used a little better judgement and understanding in the matter.